A beginner's guide to being shamelessly happy :)
As my close friends know, I am what you would call, what’s
that word, Shameless, but in a good way – certainly not in the Donald Trump or
Kanye West way even though we’re all Geminis.
Since the days of RGS, no actually probably even before
that, I have flirted with the notion of Shameless Happiness. It was always a
philosophy in the making but unlike Lao Tsu, I didn’t have the time nor self-discipline
to write it all down. But since I’m downstairs waiting for my bf to finish his
tournament, I shall take this opportunity to further develop this theory.
1. Embrace your self-reflection … starting with the mirror
I know this sounds ridiculous but bear with me because I’m
really serious about this. There is obviously a difference between narcissism
and self-love, and I’m not saying that we should all have full-blown narcissism
here but at some basic level, we should all be able to embrace our
self-reflection in the mirror.
When I was young, my lack of double eyelids always made me
hate the mirror and in turn it made me very uncomfortable in my own skin. I
always felt like people won’t like me as much because of my lack of double
eyelids and as a result, I always felt under-happy in social interactions.
When you finally embrace the mirror, I mean your
self-reflection in the mirror, that is when you can smile and feel pretty
smiling and thereby light up the room with your smile J The practical consequences
are that people around you would reciprocate your liveliness and smile back …
you see it ain’t so narcissistic after all isn’t it? Rather it can be a
other-centered act too!
2. Be your own number one fan - without putting anyone else down of course!
Sometimes I would go to Youtube and watch Steven Lim korkor’s
videos because well frankly he’s the most positive guy I’ve ever seen on Youtube.
I’m sure that there’s a reason why
people sign up for his workout classes even though they know that they will
make it into a Youtube video that might receive some flak.
We may not all be the best at doing something – dota,
singing, dancing, whatever- but if we’re not harming anyone, then why should we
not be allowed to feel happy and proud of ourselves for doing something? My
friends and I are absolutely crap at Left4dead2 and still we are playing it
even today whenever my friends come back from overseas. I actually find it much
more fun to suck together at something than to be oh-so-tryhard at it. Heck, we
actually replay levels like 8 times in easy mode and when we finally succeed,
we feel a real sense of accomplishment!
I absolutely disagree with how CCAs in my secondary school
would hold auditions with pre-requisites that screen out those who have no
prior experience or have no evidence of aptitude. CCA, well at least to me,
should be about learning something new, making friends and most importantly
having fun at it. I don’t really blame the school or the teachers for making
this long list of pre-requisites (such as a Grade 7 or above in Piano to join
band) because they are probably under quite a lot of pressure to win medals and
get grants for the school. It’s just sad that a lot of my friends, who never
had the privilege to learn piano at a young age or golf at a private country
club, could never pick up something that they liked in RGS.
3. Treat others’ happiness as your own and you will never
run out of happiness J
YIPPEEEEE
This was one of the most enlightening things I read in Thich
Nhat Hanh’s books. It sounds perhaps a little fluffy because we are so used to
demarcating our own ‘achievements’ from those of others, but amazingly, it
works.
I’ve always admired my best friend C for being able to
genuinely share in other people’s accomplishments and happiness. It didn’t
matter that it wasn’t her who was say getting a cool new job or becoming
engaged, but she was always so happy for them and it made her a real joy to be
around.
Well, I’m not saying I’m thattt selfless or anything, but
once in a while, when I have the meditative mode on, I feel little tingles of
happiness just looking at Mr Meow and seeing him lick himself on a lazy Sunday
afternoon.
4. When you do something wrong, say sorry quickly and just forget
about it!
If there’s one concept I like the most in Positive
Psychology, it is the notion of acceptance and self-compassion. Being someone
incredibly impulsive and curious, I tend to fuck up a lot but with this new found
self-compassion, I am also quick to forgive myself for the wrongdoings - sometimes
a little too quick, according to my bf.
This is of course not a mental trick that gives you a free
pass to immorality. I mean firstly you must kinda recognize that “that’s not
very nice of me” and then you make a note to not do it again… but afterwards,
you shouldn’t dwell on it too much, nor blame yourself repeatedly even after
you have tried to make amends.
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