What it felt like to have single eyelids
When my boyfriend and I started dating, I took the courage to show him photos of myself before my double eyelid surgery. When I could finally find a picture where I was not wearing double eyelid tape or using my thick black glasses to shield my ugly, puffy eyes, he was utterly shocked. Of course, how could I blame him when I myself found my face seriously ugly back then too. But to know that others viewed my single eyelids as ugly really took a stab at my heart. I guess the single-eyelid soul inside of me never really changed.
As a kid, I never really knew that my eyelids were single - nor did I know what double eyelids were. It was only when I grew up and started taking selfies or experimenting with eyeliner that I realised that my eyes were nothing like those big, round, Japanese-doll ones. My eyes were not even as nice as those of Mulan; they were single eyelids or more accurately, they were infold eyelids which made me look seriously evil half the time. When I didn't smile, my eyes made me look like I have a perpetual frown; and when I did smile, my eyes look like they were half shut. Of course, it certainly didn't help that my face was puffy and my nose was buried in my pudgy visage; in fact, if you were to take a photo of me from any angle that was not the front, you would find that my face is about as 2 dimensional as a Chinese pancake.
Anyhow, my entire life - up until the point where I discovered double eyelid surgery- was spent thinking of ways to cover my double eyelids. I hated the mirror but yet that was the first thing I went to every day in hope that sleep or maturation had altered the shape of my gold-fish-looking eyelids. Sometimes, when I didn't sleep that night, my eyes would droop such that a semblance of a double-eyelid appears; other times, when I slept too soundly, my eyes become horrendously puffy.
In Jc, my self-esteem plummeted to a new low as for the first time in my life, I felt so horribly judged by guys for my eyelids. With girls, I guess my personality - which is a balanced mix of bitchiness and candidness- was enough to secure me a gang of close friends; but with guys, it became more and more certain that my face was getting me friend-zoned. One guy in particular, Josh, thought it was appropriate to tell me in my face his rating of me; he said that I would fall under the category of girls that he would not fuck even if I begged him to.
Right after Jc, I decided to change my life once and for all. I went to Taiwan and within a week, got myself booked for double-eyelid surgery. The surgery itself was horrendously painful. I really think that the doctor didn't put enough anaesthesia for me; or maybe I am just overly sensitive to pain. Anyhow, looking back, I am so glad I got under the knife because frankly, I don't think that my boyfriend would have found me attractive if not for my big, round eyes.
Sometimes I fear that my double eyelid surgery might need redoing because the stitches are not permanent; I look in the mirror every now and then to check if the eyelids are intact. I try not to rub my eyes or wear contact lenses - just to be safe.
I guess out of all this, I realised that one shouldn't judge people for getting plastic surgery. Just as how you wouldn't tell a person to live with a disability or with a tumour, telling a person to live with being ugly or feeling ugly for that matter is just as bad.
As a kid, I never really knew that my eyelids were single - nor did I know what double eyelids were. It was only when I grew up and started taking selfies or experimenting with eyeliner that I realised that my eyes were nothing like those big, round, Japanese-doll ones. My eyes were not even as nice as those of Mulan; they were single eyelids or more accurately, they were infold eyelids which made me look seriously evil half the time. When I didn't smile, my eyes made me look like I have a perpetual frown; and when I did smile, my eyes look like they were half shut. Of course, it certainly didn't help that my face was puffy and my nose was buried in my pudgy visage; in fact, if you were to take a photo of me from any angle that was not the front, you would find that my face is about as 2 dimensional as a Chinese pancake.
Anyhow, my entire life - up until the point where I discovered double eyelid surgery- was spent thinking of ways to cover my double eyelids. I hated the mirror but yet that was the first thing I went to every day in hope that sleep or maturation had altered the shape of my gold-fish-looking eyelids. Sometimes, when I didn't sleep that night, my eyes would droop such that a semblance of a double-eyelid appears; other times, when I slept too soundly, my eyes become horrendously puffy.
In Jc, my self-esteem plummeted to a new low as for the first time in my life, I felt so horribly judged by guys for my eyelids. With girls, I guess my personality - which is a balanced mix of bitchiness and candidness- was enough to secure me a gang of close friends; but with guys, it became more and more certain that my face was getting me friend-zoned. One guy in particular, Josh, thought it was appropriate to tell me in my face his rating of me; he said that I would fall under the category of girls that he would not fuck even if I begged him to.
Right after Jc, I decided to change my life once and for all. I went to Taiwan and within a week, got myself booked for double-eyelid surgery. The surgery itself was horrendously painful. I really think that the doctor didn't put enough anaesthesia for me; or maybe I am just overly sensitive to pain. Anyhow, looking back, I am so glad I got under the knife because frankly, I don't think that my boyfriend would have found me attractive if not for my big, round eyes.
Sometimes I fear that my double eyelid surgery might need redoing because the stitches are not permanent; I look in the mirror every now and then to check if the eyelids are intact. I try not to rub my eyes or wear contact lenses - just to be safe.
I guess out of all this, I realised that one shouldn't judge people for getting plastic surgery. Just as how you wouldn't tell a person to live with a disability or with a tumour, telling a person to live with being ugly or feeling ugly for that matter is just as bad.
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