A beginner's guide to being shamelessly happy :)

As my close friends know, I am what you would call, what’s that word, Shameless, but in a good way – certainly not in the Donald Trump or Kanye West way even though we’re all Geminis.  

Since the days of RGS, no actually probably even before that, I have flirted with the notion of Shameless Happiness. It was always a philosophy in the making but unlike Lao Tsu, I didn’t have the time nor self-discipline to write it all down. But since I’m downstairs waiting for my bf to finish his tournament, I shall take this opportunity to further develop this theory.

1. Embrace your self-reflection … starting with the mirror

I know this sounds ridiculous but bear with me because I’m really serious about this. There is obviously a difference between narcissism and self-love, and I’m not saying that we should all have full-blown narcissism here but at some basic level, we should all be able to embrace our self-reflection in the mirror.

When I was young, my lack of double eyelids always made me hate the mirror and in turn it made me very uncomfortable in my own skin. I always felt like people won’t like me as much because of my lack of double eyelids and as a result, I always felt under-happy in social interactions. 

When you finally embrace the mirror, I mean your self-reflection in the mirror, that is when you can smile and feel pretty smiling and thereby light up the room with your smile J The practical consequences are that people around you would reciprocate your liveliness and smile back … you see it ain’t so narcissistic after all isn’t it? Rather it can be a other-centered act too!  

2. Be your own number one fan -  without putting anyone else down of course!

Sometimes I would go to Youtube and watch Steven Lim korkor’s videos because well frankly he’s the most positive guy I’ve ever seen on Youtube.  I’m sure that there’s a reason why people sign up for his workout classes even though they know that they will make it into a Youtube video that might receive some flak.

We may not all be the best at doing something – dota, singing, dancing, whatever- but if we’re not harming anyone, then why should we not be allowed to feel happy and proud of ourselves for doing something? My friends and I are absolutely crap at Left4dead2 and still we are playing it even today whenever my friends come back from overseas. I actually find it much more fun to suck together at something than to be oh-so-tryhard at it. Heck, we actually replay levels like 8 times in easy mode and when we finally succeed, we feel a real sense of accomplishment!

I absolutely disagree with how CCAs in my secondary school would hold auditions with pre-requisites that screen out those who have no prior experience or have no evidence of aptitude. CCA, well at least to me, should be about learning something new, making friends and most importantly having fun at it. I don’t really blame the school or the teachers for making this long list of pre-requisites (such as a Grade 7 or above in Piano to join band) because they are probably under quite a lot of pressure to win medals and get grants for the school. It’s just sad that a lot of my friends, who never had the privilege to learn piano at a young age or golf at a private country club, could never pick up something that they liked in RGS.

3. Treat others’ happiness as your own and you will never run out of happiness J YIPPEEEEE

This was one of the most enlightening things I read in Thich Nhat Hanh’s books. It sounds perhaps a little fluffy because we are so used to demarcating our own ‘achievements’ from those of others, but amazingly, it works.

I’ve always admired my best friend C for being able to genuinely share in other people’s accomplishments and happiness. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t her who was say getting a cool new job or becoming engaged, but she was always so happy for them and it made her a real joy to be around.

Well, I’m not saying I’m thattt selfless or anything, but once in a while, when I have the meditative mode on, I feel little tingles of happiness just looking at Mr Meow and seeing him lick himself on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

4. When you do something wrong, say sorry quickly and just forget about it!

If there’s one concept I like the most in Positive Psychology, it is the notion of acceptance and self-compassion. Being someone incredibly impulsive and curious, I tend to fuck up a lot but with this new found self-compassion, I am also quick to forgive myself for the wrongdoings - sometimes a little too quick, according to my bf.

This is of course not a mental trick that gives you a free pass to immorality. I mean firstly you must kinda recognize that “that’s not very nice of me” and then you make a note to not do it again… but afterwards, you shouldn’t dwell on it too much, nor blame yourself repeatedly even after you have tried to make amends.